Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
