You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
