i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
