Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
