If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
