Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
