you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
