I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
