i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
