i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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