i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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