Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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