I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
