I faked an abortion last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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