Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize