i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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