After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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