I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
