im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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