im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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