One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Life is so much better after having sex.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
