i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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