I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
