i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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