you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
