giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize