those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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