not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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