idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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