Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
