After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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