Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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