I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my shit smells like andre
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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