tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
