How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
