If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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