oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
