my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
