It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
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