Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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