I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
