Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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