You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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