the condom got lost in my hair
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
