It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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