I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
