at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
birth control should be required to get into college
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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