I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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