We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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