A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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