I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
as a side note pls kill me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
