So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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