I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
