Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He better not be in your backpack
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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