We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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