This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
