I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
