whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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