i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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