i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
