Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
