No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
