ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
