I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
