im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
