we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
