Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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