im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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