I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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