Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
