jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
