I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
