what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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