Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
