I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
