That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
