I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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