Buhtt sex?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
