yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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