I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
