i was rollin on her like bob the builder
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
