i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
