The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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