saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
