hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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