So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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