the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
sex in a hospital.. check
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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