well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
