Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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