New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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