It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
