There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
