suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
